December 2010
I should have my own language. It would be very similar to British English, but with a bit of French sass and Finnish weirdness.
Also, I hate laptops.
FFS.
For once in your life, give me a definitive answer. I ask you something, and I get hemming and hawing about whatever. Just give me an answer. It’s so damn simple. And about something so damn basic.
I’ve got to say, the years have not been kind to your psyche.
Hmm.
It’s not good karmic-ly to smile a snide smile when I hear they had a horrible night out, is it? No, I don’t imagine it is. Sometimes, it’s really difficult to be an unenlightened being who makes the all-too common mistake of being only human.
Long Time, No Tumblr
And, being as tired as I am after the holidays, I seem to not have anything terribly profound to say.
The Truth
I’m not as honorable as people might think I am. Or even as I might try and convince myself to be. When you get down to the bare bones of it, it’s survival. I pay my dues, thankyouverymuch. Sometimes, I bleed a lot for very little. And yeah, I think I’m owed.
Not a good space to be in. But at least it’s the truth.
Bittersweet.
I’m sitting here with tears running down my face. I smile, I beam, and then more tears. It’s ridiculous, when you get right down to it. Almost 3 years of this. Glittering highs and unspeakable lows. It’s true that deep contrasts bring a richer hue to our souls. Sometimes facets are made, too. But I don’t know if this is divine torture or just…torture.
And...
I need to get over stage fright.
And I need to work out.
These should be my missions.
Hunger pangs.
I seem to write to you a lot on here. Good way to say what I can’t/shouldn’t. Like I miss you. Miss you heaps. I don’t even know why I say it so much.
Maybe because it’s one of the truest things I’ve known.
A decision.
It’s settled;
In my next life, I’m coming back as a rock star.
“It’s a beautiful thing to watch the moon grow full.”
– CFG
“Art never comes from happiness.”
Well...damn.
My therapist says that I am in the middle of an affair; that J2 and I are having an affair. I mean……..who in the what now? I…guess it’s an affair. I mean…..dumbass knows about it, so…..it’s an affair and he doesn’t care? Ha, that rhymed, LOL. Which makes me wonder, if I went down there……..what the hell would happen?
Shit,...
Do you ever have those moments where you desperately want to write something deep and profound, but for the life of you can’t seem to think of anything deep or profound to say? This is one of those moments for me.
However….now that I think about it….I’m asking a computer if it ever has moments…
Seriously.
Being a woman has got to be one of the most painful existences on the planet. We certainly pay a price for being the superior sex.
Hmm.
It bothers me when you take your picture down. Makes me think something horrible happened.
Ouch.
There are times when I feel like I am in the middle of an affair. Not a physical affair, but an affair nonetheless. Full of tawdry goings-on and bloody revenge.
It’s not pretty.
But it is one of the most beautiful disasters I’ve ever seen.
Hurts, though. Right down to the bone.
It's like physics.
I have no choice but to hate him. It’s like gravity. It’s a universal law. He has literally everything that I have wanted for the past…shit…12 years? And that situation would be no different if the roles were reversed. If you were in love with me and I had chosen someone over you because of this or that, you would hate him, too. And part of you would hate me. Just as...
I can hear you...
So I think I might be more psychic than I had originally thought. Which I also think can sometimes annoy the hell out of people. Hey, not my fault I can hear what you think. I can’t turn off the ability to be able to feel you. And sometimes the pictures and the words come completely of their own accord. It’s not that I try to do it. I just…do it. I can feel things and hear...
